I've spent the past few weekends talking to random people about their relationships, or lack thereof and I came to a startling (although I shouldn't have really been surprised) conclusion: most people who are in relationships are malcontented and often want out. And those who aren't in relationships are aching to be in one. Who's dilemma is worse: the people who settle; opting to stay in dead-end relationships because there's no justifiable reason to get out or the people who are so lonely that they cry themselves to sleep most nights, aching to feel the warmth of someone else's love?
I would submit that settling is FAR worse than loneliness. Why? Relationships are one of the hardest things in the world to maintain. Even when two people love each other, there are still differences of opinions, sacrifices that have to be made and general BS that must be suffered. Compound those stresses with an unfulfilled heart and it can be a fate worse than death...well maybe not THAT bad but pretty bad. If you're in a relationship that's going nowhere, chances are that even though you're not alone, you still feel lonely. If you've not found your soulmate, that person that you can look in the eye and, in the words of Jerry Maguire say, "you complete me", you're probably lonely. SO WHAT you have "someone"! If they're not that special someone, then you're lonely AND you're settling...that's a double whammy!
...just my thoughts...err, ranting for today...
2 comments:
This is a classic debate. Is it better to have or have not?
I'm not sure which is worse...I've been both places. My first 'marriage' turned in to a situation where I was sleeping with a roommate in the same bed. We weren't soulmates and we were no longer passionate lovers (not that we ever really were). But...my daughter came out of that relationship, so there's no discounting the fact that it had its blessings in some ways. I wouldn't change her for the world.
I think people confuse being alone with lonely. Alone...there's no one there but you. But it's completely possible to be in a relationship and be lonely.
Ultimately it comes down to what do you need to make it through the day?
As a species we have a tendency to think there's always something better out there for us.
Here's the sobering thought....what if this IS as good as it gets? Is it better to live in the now, live every minute as though it was your last-enjoying life to the fullest, or pine away hoping for something better?? I guess we each have to answer that question for ourselves.
I am not sure if I can add much to what has already been said, but here goes 2 cents.
I think you have to look at each situation individually. Because everyone's circumstances differ it is hard to fit all situations into neat little boxes. I am sure we would all be amazed at some of the relationships that take place around us wonder WTF!. I sometimes think, who am I to say 'you should do this' or 'you should do that'. Even if I had 140 IQ, or if I was psychiatrist, what right do I have to direct someone who I know nothing about, (which is why I think shrinks try to make you talk it out and come to the conclusion yourself.) But, until we have experienced that persons upbringing, friendships, heartaches and pains, relationships, and environment we can not really give a firm direction to them because their current position is a combination of all their history up to the present.
I recently went out with some friends and one I had not seen in over a decade, so of course I asked all the questions about how they had been and about their relationships. I asked how the current one was going, what she knew about him and his past relationships (I am a bit inquisitive). After a pause, and a nice stare, she shared the info with me. But it was something that she said that I thought was interesting, speaking on life she said, 'it is what it is'. But not in a humble or woe is me sort of way, she said it with a confidence and strength that I thought was very interesting. Now even though I may not agree with the statement, who am I to say that this is not right if she believes this with confidence.
So I guess it comes down to what todd s. says, that we each must answer that for ourselves.
Post a Comment