I detest double standards…let me say that again…I DETEST DOUBLE STANDARDS!!!
What brought about today’s rant is a situation that occurred yesterday. One of my white co-workers and friends asked me, in earnest, why, if we were friends, was it inappropriate for him to walk up to me and say, “what’s up my niggah!” but if another African-American did so, it would be totally appropriate.
As a black man, the first thought through my mind would normally have been, “damn! I thought this guy was my friend but now I find out that he’s really a racist!!!” But that WASN’T the first thought through my mind. To be completely honest, the first thought that I had is the only thought that I’ve maintained since he asked me that question: why is it ok for my black friends to say, “what’s up my niggah!” but if one of my white friends says it, I’m supposed to be offended and beat his ass? I was NOT offended…and it bothers me that I was supposed to be offended. Why can’t we differentiate between a racial epithet and friendly slang?
Double standards, that’s why. On episode 1 of The Boondocks (the funniest cartoon I’ve ever seen before in my life!), Uncle Ruckus - a dark skinned character who hates black people - sings a song at a garden party and the words go, “Don’t touch them new niggaz over there, leavin’ they niggah essence in the air. Them happy, nappy-head niggaz with their fingers on the trigger, don’t touch them new niggaz over there…Don’t trust them big nostrils over yonder, they suck up so much air it’ll make you wonder. Don’t trust them new niggaz with their spotty little niggah figures. Don’t trust them new niggaz over there ”. When the song is over, one white woman leans over to another and says, “I think the ‘N’ word is ok as long as they say it”. While this is just a cartoon, it clearly identifies the double standard that exists. If nigger (nigga, niggah and all of its other spelling variations) is a bad word, then NOONE should say it! Why is it that a white guy who’s my friend that I KNOW is not racist can’t say something to me that any stranger on the street could say, just because the stranger has melanin in his skin and my buddy doesnt?
Now don’t get me wrong…if I’m at a bar and accidentally bump into some non-black guy who turns around and calls me a nigger, I’m putting his ass to sleep! (for those of you not versed in ebonics, that means that I intend to beat the hell out of him until he’s unconscious). But we’re all smart enough to distinguish the difference between an insult and a greeting…or are we?
Another double standard that I detest is the whole “sex on the first date” scenario. If I, as a man, get to “hit” on the first date, my friends pat me on the back and proclaim that I “have game”. But the woman who “gave it up” on the first date is seen as a whore. What’s up with THAT?!! We’re all human beings with needs. Since when did women not need sex as men do? It may be true that generally speaking (and there ARE exceptions) men tend to think about and crave sex more than women, but it’s still a need that they have. Why is it ok for a man to get some on the first date but not a woman?
If you subscribe to any of the major religions, you shouldn’t be having sex before marriage at all. In this case, neither man NOR woman should be getting any. The playing field is the same: no sex for anyone. But I’d dare say that most people, even those who hold strongly to their religious convictions still do a little “nip and tuck” every once in a while. So what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Either NOONE should be getting any or it should be ok for EVERYONE.
Ladies, any man who thinks that you’re a whore for giving it up on the first date is a hypocrite with double standards and isn’t worth you sleeping with a 2nd time…come bring it to me!
Just my thoughts…err ranting for today…
5 comments:
I wondered how long this would take you to post. What was funny to me about this was when you said "I expected that kind of question from Todd, but not from C-." Which, while it is true, I DO have some Barry White in my genes (or is it my jeans?), the fact is, when I was in high school, I was more readily accepted and welcomed by my black friends than my white friends. And the double standard was there. I could walk up to them and say 'Wazzup my niggah' and they would say it to me (and not beat my ass) AS LONG AS it was just me and them. If any of my non-afro-centric friends were with me it was 'hey there, Tyrone'...'how's it going, todd?' And that was that.
But if we were just chillin', it was 'N- this' and 'N-please you so crahzeee, Doug E Fresh blows the box out of that lard ass from the Fat Boys (but that beat box from the Skinny Boys was the shit, yo).
Point is, I would NOT have asked you if it was ok for me to call you that because I know the double standard. If we're chilling and none of our other soul-challenged friends are around, it's acceptable (but unlikely) for me to respond to something with a 'n- please.'
But somewhere since high school and now, I no longer find it something i want to say. I used to want to say it to my homeys because I used to feel like 'well, shit. If I can call them niggah without them beating the shit out of me then i must be IN, boyee.' But I realized that if I'm that worried about something i'm saying causing me bodily harm in any situation-then I probably ought not say it.
And for the record. If we're out drinking and some fuck calls you n---, I'll make sure that peckerwood is sucking jello through a straw.
I got your back, E...cuz I'm one crazy ass crackah. :)
My NIGGAH! I know you would never ask 'cause you know that you wouldn't have to...you're my brother from another mother NIGGAH!
"E" you can kiss my black ass!! and you know this MAN! it's 'cause I'm an honorary brotha! If we're in the bar and somebody says "YO NIG YOU LOOK'IN AT MY GIRL?" I'll just be the lost white guy stepping out the door......see you Monday!
Damn skippy!
Well to jump in, I have always looked at the term as another way of AfrAmer(AA)'s changing something bad or derogatory into something good or positive. The original meaning of the word nigger, or to act niggardly was an ignorant individual, someone who did not understand basic ideas, etc,. This of course would be the result of dealing with a language barrier.
But, today it is used as a connection, a common heritage, a show of love and respect between AA's. So I do not believe it is a double standard per se, but more or less an identifier of one who has traveled a similiar road, or whose ancestry has traveled the same or a similiar road. I know that anytime AA's put something out or adds to the hip hop culture with words, music, fashion or anything that people love to jump on and experience it and maybe that will help them out in understanding the culture. But this one word is a little different in that its history is different, and therefore it has a little more meaning and it is a little more stronger than any other words used in hip hop, or in the AA community.
And I think Todd makes a good point in that if you have to wonder if you are going to get floored for saying the word, you probably don't need to say it at all. It is not that you are a bad person, or racist, or someone with bad intent but if you do not know who you are approaching and you wonder if it is a good time or not to use that word it is best to leave it alone. I, of course would never have that issue, if I approach an AA who I have never met before I would not have to hesitate, or think about it, or wonder if its ok, it just flows because there is that understanding of common heritage and if I call you that then I am giving you love my niggah!
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